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Twistedmindz Guide to World History
PARTS 6 and 7

Part 6 - The Angelo-Saxonphones (Teatime, 5th May 342 AD)

When the Romanians decided that they couldn't be bothered ruling the world anymore (at teatime on 5th May 342 AD) they went home, leaving Britain (or Brighton as it was then spelt) under the rule of the Angelo-Saxonphones. The Angelo Saxonphones were a Jazz trio from New Orleans who ruled Brighton with an iron fist and swinging sense of 5/4 time.

The Angelo Saxonphones were fond of living in houses made of sticks, in fact a lawsuit was brought against them in 426 AD by the second little pig, who accused them of stealing patents from his idea. The judge decided to huff and puff, but couldn't blow the Angelo Saxonphones houses down, and all charges were dropped.

As well as building wooden houses and listening to Jazz, the Angelo Saxonphones were keen beard wearers and at the time, were trend setters and often at the height of fashion. It is a well known fact that the Goatse style of beard (where the beard covers only the chin area) was invented by a Saxonphone.

Unfortunately, in the late 9th centuary, just as Papa Smurf (the lead trumpeter of the Angelo Saxonphones) was getting in to the swing, the Vikings invaded from Sandalnavia, with their hip hop beats and baggy trousers, and the Angelo Saxonphones died out. However, their legacy lives on in the form of Maroon 5's hit single "This Love".

Part 7 - Vikings (895 AD)

The Vikings came from Sandalnavia, which is why they wore sandals all the time. They were a seafaring people and could therefore breath underwater using their amphibious nostrils. They were famous for several things, one of which was hats. They were a great hat wearing people who's hats were full of glory and glamour. Oh my, I could just go on and on about how wonderful the Vikings hats were, they were glorious.

For example, the Viking hat makes you look really hard, no one would mess with you if you had those horn things sticking out of your head. I reckon that we should use viking hats to stop bullying in schools. Oh yes, they definitely had hat wearing down to a fine art!

Oh yeah, they also ruled the country for a few centuries and were fond of raping, pillaging and burning down the Angelo Saxonphone houses. But, man! Just look at that hat!

Here endeth the third lesson. Next time...parts 8 and 9.