|
Twistedmindz Horoscopes
Aries
It’s that time of year again when the ‘others’ come to put that machine up your bum. Don’t tell anyone about it though, let’s just keep it our little secret yes?
Taurus
You will finally be brought to justice today for all those biro thefts. You won’t get fired though, just a verbal warning. You will also be given all the shitty jobs that no one else wants for the next fortnight.
Gemini
Gemini is the sign of the twin, if you don’t have a twin you must develop a clone as soon as possible. Your time will come Gemini, just be patient, soon the world will be ruled by your iron fist.
Cancer
Cholera is a horrible desease, luckily for you it’s ‘immunity week’. Watch out at the end of the month though, because that’s when ‘AIDS month’ starts!
Leo
October is a bad month for Leos. Try to find a Taurus to palm off all your shitty jobs to, but keep that biro in your pocket.
Virgo
You will lose all of your chess playing skills today, but then redevelop them tomorrow. They’ll never be quite the same though, and every now and then there will be a faint smell of garlic.
Libra
You will find out the true meaning of patriotic pride today when you get shot for saying that Britain is ‘a bit dull’.
Scorpio
You will have a very boring week, and that’s because you are a very boring person.
Sagittarius
…well if you will play with TNT…
Capricorn
Your internet business ‘capricorn.com’ will develop a mind of it’s own on Friday and will decide to become a Virgo instead.
Aquarius
Look, over by the bar… see that fat girl? She’s yours!
Pisces
I can’t be bothered to come up with a horoscope for you, because I hate you.
|
