Phil's Cookery Class

1) First, make yourself a kitchen out of toilet roll tubes and asprin.

2) Next, make sure the kitchen has the following vital inclusions. A microwave, an oven with hobs, and a spaniel shaped phone book called Carol.
3) Drive a car around your local area for 30 minutes, stopping to pick up anything you knock over. The recipe I'm going to make used these recipes.
- 1 ginger tom cat
- A tennis racket
- 2 footballs
- 7 children
- 1/2 cup of old lady.

4) Put all of the ingredients in your microwave
5) Before turning the microwave on to cook the ingredients, beat them with Carol for a solid 10 minutes.
6) Put the microwave on the highest setting for 7 hours.
7) Have a few beers and a sleep
8) Remove the microwave from it's burnt out position in your kitchen, and place it on the hob for 20 minutes.
9) Eat your own arm.
10) Lastly, season with garlic, salt and mouse hair.

Serves 4