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Some Christmas Poems by Adny
Christmas is nice
Christmas is that time of year
When everyone is filled with cheer
And our New Year is nearly here
And people put beer. In their ear.
There's turkey in the oven
And drunken people lovin'
And witches in a coven
And doves. Dovin'.
People hang up mistletoe
In hopes that they can kiss a ho
Or get pricked with a thistle though
They never seem to. Oddly.
A Christmas haiku
Christmas is a time
where people give each other
a whole bunch of stuff
A Traditional Christmas
Christmas is coming
The geese are getting fat
But eating geese at Christmas
Makes you look like a twat
Pete
I knew a man who lived in Bath
His name was Pete
He drove a Rover
Every Christmas he bought a car
But every year
It was the same
One year I asked him vacantly
"Why drive the same
Car every year?"
He turned to me and smiled and said
"They're not the same,
My new one's red"
Merry Christmas Everybody
Are you hanging up your stockings on the wall?
Are you listening to the same old crap songs?
Can you really not be arsed
To buy countless tons of food
When you know you'll never eat it anyway?
So, here it is
Merry Christmas
What a fucking letdown
Again
It's been made so commercial
No I don't want a FUCKING Barbara Streisand album you cunt!
Are you waiting for your family to arrive?
Do you see them at any other time?
Would you really give a rat's arse
If you never saw them again?
Why not stab them in the eyes with a sausage wrapped in bacon?
So, here it is
Merry Christmas
Everybody's lost the plot
CDs and films and corporations
And the anticlimax of New Year to look forward to
A Less Cynical Poem
Snow is falling
Children scrawling
Decking Halling
Monkey bowling
Carol singing
Rappers blinging
IPs pinging
Munters minging
People laughing
Wooly scarfing
Drunken barfing
Tall giraffing
Merry Christmas
Walking blistmas
Broken wristmas
Merry Christmas
...and one from Phiblo
Euphemisms at Christmas
On Christmas day I "Baste the turkey"
and "Wrap bacon around my sausage"
I like to "Decorating the Tree"
and "Buff up the shiny star"
I "Rudolf the red nosed Reindeer"
And "Shake hands with Santa Claus"
And after "gulping down the turkey"
I "Pull my Cracker" and then
I "Unwrap my presents".
And that's enough of that!
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